


Life can be beautiful.

by weeziewoo



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Depressed Jared, M/M, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicidal Jared, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-11 11:26:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12934272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weeziewoo/pseuds/weeziewoo
Summary: Evan has two soulmates, one’s Jared, the other is Connor. Jared hides the fact that he and Ev are soulmates, and Evan is convinced he only has one. And that one MUST be Connor Murphy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Diary, I believe I'm a good person.

“Honestly Jared, stop being such a dick.” Connor hissed in my direction, Evan was crying on the ground and it was my fault. I’m trying to protect him, I really am. I turn to leave.

“Don’t c-come back. Ever.” I hear Evan sob from behind me. It’s a stab in the gut.

_(Please I didn’t mean it.)_

I walk away silently, cursing at the fact that I chose today to hitch a ride with Connor. I sigh and begin my walk home, I start thinking. They told us in middle school that our soulmates could feel any extreme emotion the other felt. I wonder if he felt it, a tug in his stomach, a feeling of you fucked up. I reached my house and disappeared to my bedroom. I sighed and grabbed a marker pen. I knew he would read it.

_Dear soulmate, I know you but alas you do not know me. That boy, Connor, he’s your soulmate. Evan Hansen, the boy with two soulmates. I’m sorry you got stuck with me as one of them. Maybe you can’t tell but this is a goodbye letter, hopefully. I hate myself, and I hate living._

I dropped the pen onto the floor and grabbed a bottle of sleeping pills from my bedside table. I poured out a handful and tossed them into my mouth. I washed them down with a bottle of water, after which I placed back down. I picked up a razor blade that laid next to me…

 

Evan’s POV~~

 

I sat silently and watched as neatly scribbled words appear on my skin, a warning bell rang in my head.

_This is a goodbye letter,_

“Connor pass me a marker!” I gasped.

**Don’t do it. Please, I don’t know what happened to you or why I have two soulmates but, life is worth it.**

My arm started to feel tingly and harsh red lines appeared along it two going vertically, the rest horizontal.

“Fuck! Connor what do I do?” I panicked.

Connor grabbed the pen.

**_I have no fucking clue if this’ll work but if Evan has two soulmates we must all be linked. Please stop hurting yourself._ **

_I have no intention being here any longer, I’m tired and my blood looks pretty._

The handwriting was smudged. As the person on the other end was struggling to stay awake.

 

Jared’s POV~~

 

I think I’m close to passing out. I hope I’m close to dying. I hear a knock against my bedroom door, I hear my mother scream. My world goes black.

 

Connor’s POV~~

 

Evan’s phone starts to ring. I check caller ID, it’s Jared. We’re angry but I pick up anyway, ready to give him an earful. I put the phone on loudspeaker.

“Jared’s at the- the hospital, he t-ried to k-k-.” Jared’s mother says, she’s crying.

We don’t need to hear the end of the sentence...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Jared Kleinman,
> 
> Today’s going to be a bad day, and here’s why…

 

Jared’s ma’s POV~~

 

“Jared, Jared! Wake up.” He’s lying on his bedroom floor. I’m stood in front of him, I need to call an ambulance.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“My son, tried to-” Deep breath.

“-kill himself. H-he’s bleeding, and there’s pills.” I cry.

“Where are you ma’am?”

“(address…)”

“We’ll dispatch an ambulance right away.”

They arrive and take him away in an ambulance, I let myself cry as they strap an oxygen mask over his mouth. The paramedics are saying numbers, I don’t really understand them. They roll bandages around his still bleeding arms.

I think about his friends, they deserve to know, I’m holding his phone in my hand and I scroll through the contacts.

_Evan Hansen [Call]_

I click the call button. It rings once and he picks up.

“Jared’s at the- the hospital, he t-ried to k-k-.” I can’t finish the sentence.

“R-really?” Evan whispers.

“Come on Ev, Jared needs us.” I hear another boy say.

“O-okay.” I hear Evan say.

“We’ll be there ASAP.” The other boy says before hanging up.

I’m sat by his bedside in total silence. The two of them arrive and I step out, they need time.

 

Connor’s POV~~

 

We watch him silently, it’s almost wrong. He’s the most lively of all of us. And right now, he looks like a fucking corpse. The doctors are having to pump his stomach, they say he took sleeping pills. There’s an electrocardiogram by his bedside. His heartbeat’s slow. A machine breathes for him, he’s not strong enough to do so on his own.

Evan shuffles over a plastic seat to Jared’s bedside.

“Please Jared, wake up.” He sobs.

“We didn’t mean it.” He whispers.

“Jared, I don’t know if you can hear me. But you’re an idiot.” I sigh. Dragging over another chair.

“We’ve been through so much together, this isn’t where our story ends.” Evan cries.

“I’m sorry but visiting hours are over.” A nurse says, sweetly peaking around the door.

We nod and leave the room, and Jared. He’s cold and lifeless. A sigh escapes me.

 

Jared’s POV, like in his brain~~  
(Basically, it’s a dream sequence.)

 

I watched them hold hands, I watched them kiss and cuddle.

“I’m so glad we ditched him.” They’d say.

They’d go on dates to that old meadow, and I’d walk around town.

I’d sit alone in the park, a cigarette perched in my fingers. My arms are scarred, my knuckles are bruised, my lip’s split.

They pass me in the hallway, they look at me as if I’m discarded trash, and sometimes I feel just like that. All I am is a plastic bag caught on the wind, drifting around silently and getting battered.  

I walk through a graveyard that I never knew existed. All the graves seem normal bar one. One with a glowing aura, beckoning me to its presence.

_Jared Kleinman_

_Nov 12 1999_

_July 28 2017_

That couldn’t be right, that was a week from now. Someone tugs on my shirt and I turn around. A little girl with pigtails wearing her Sunday best.

“Wake up, or that’ll be you.” She advises.

“What do you mean wake up? I’m awake now.” I say, I’m clearly awake.

“They’ll take you off life support.” She whispers before turning around. I watch her skip off between the gravestones. She sits atop one of them and fades from existence. I rush over to where she was just sat.

_Elizabeth Cooper_

_January 4 1890_

_September 5 1898_

I stare down the grave as the sun begins to set.

“Wake up!” Echoes through the emptiness. People begin to rise from their tombs.

“Wake up!” They yell. The words ring in my ears.

 

My eyes rush open and I bolt upright…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random side note, for story purposes DEH takes place in Portland, Or. Only by name, I’m English and know piss all about America I decided Portland on the fly.

“Where the fuck am I?” I mumble, whilst looking around quietly.

Hospital? Wait! That little girl wasn’t joking! They were going to take me off life support. I’m breathing heavily and I drag the oxygen mask away from my face. I grab my phone from the side next to me open google.

I search “Elizabeth Cooper” and nothing comes up, so I go on some birth/death record sight and search for the name and years I remember.

**_One result:_ **

**_Elizabeth Cooper_ **

**_January 4 1890_ **

**_September 5 1898_ **

**_Untreated measles._ **

**_Portland, Or._ **

A doctor rushes into the room. With a glass of water in his hand which he passes to me.

“We expected the worst for you kid.” He says.

“How long was I out?” I ask, after taking a sip. It’s probably been a few days at most.

“It’s been two months. Those friends of yours stop by every day, as does your mother.” He says.

“Two- months?” I repeat, my voice cracking. I grab my phone again and find Evan’s contact.

It rings once and he picks up.

“Hello?” He mumbles groggily.

“Evan!” I yell.

“Jar-ed?” He asks.

“Oh God, Evan I’m so sorry.” I say.

“Jared, it’s okay. Now call your mother.” Evan says, hanging up.

I call my mother.

“Mum?” I say into the phone.

“JARED!” She yells.

“I’m coming right now, stay there.” The phone hangs up and twenty minutes later she’s at my bedside.

“Jared. I’m sorry.” She cries.

“It’s my fault mum, I’m the one who needs to be sorry.” I respond.

“It’s my fault for not realising you were in pain.” She says whilst shaking her head.

“Listen mum, I need time to think and you look shattered. Go home.” I say. She nods her head silently and waves goodbye before leaving the room. I fall asleep.

The next day Connor and Evan visit me.

“Jared!” Evan yells from the door. I roll my eyes as he runs over.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He says once he’s next to me.

“It was my fault for making you cry.” I sigh.

“I shouldn’t have to you not to come back. It was so mean and-” Evan rambled.

“Honestly, Evan calm down. It was my fault.” I sighed.

“Wait, Evan has two soulmates, one of them tried to kill themselves the night you did, that’s really strange?” Connor blurted out, recalling the night I tried to die. My breathing hitched.

“But my soulmate cut, Jared took pills.” Evan stated. Phew, crisis averted. I just couldn’t show him my arms until they forgot about the soulmate incident.

“We think my other soulmate might have died, and you’re alive, it can’t have been you.” Evan whispers. Maybe it was for the best they thought that soulmate was dead.

“Jared, do you have a soulmate? Obviously, I have Evan and the one that uh, didn’t survive. What about you?” Connor asks me.

“I- I don’t know honestly.” I hesitate. I don’t know what to say to them.

Evan and Connor go home an hour later and I find a marker on my bedside table.

_Hey, sorry for the “Incident” A few months ago. I’ve been in a mental health centre for the last few and we weren’t allowed pens in case we tried to poison ourselves. I’m all better though promise._

I also scribbled down a heart and a smiley face.

**Oh God, I’m so glad you’re okay. A friend of mine just woke from a coma the other day because he tried to.**

Evan’s writing stopped.

**_Sorry, we promised our friend we wouldn’t tell anyone._ **

Came Connor’s scribbly writing. I smiled at least he’s faithful…


End file.
